Would you buy this book?????

Memoir Query

Dear Agent who must represent me:

I’m looking for representation for my memoir “The Extraordinary Life of an Ordinary Girl”, completed at 90,000 words.

My first three novels were a warmup to the real story – me.

Raised in a small town by simple parents (not mentally challenged, just quiet people ) I grew up thinking the big city down the road would be as far as I’d go in life but once I started to move west, extraordinary things happened.

The last thirty five years have seen me through a career in entertainment (working with Jamey Foxx and Jay Leno),and a job as a Hawaiian scuba diving instructor (Steven Tyler loves to snorkel).  My brushes with celebrities started at the age of twenty when I fit Gene Hackman for hiking boots. In my life I’ve chatted up George Harrison and Alice Cooper at a party, Gary Marshall asked me to take my top off in an audition, I’ve danced with Donald O’Connor, eaten dinner with a hen-pecked Mickey Rooney, opened for Bob Hope in Waikiki (also filmed that night by Morley from 60 Minutes), stood up Burton Cummings on a date, got camera advice from Sylvester Stallone, interviewed Nando Parrado from ‘Alive’, auditioned for McGyver, got a yo yo lesson from the Smothers Brothers, stared in an international sunglasses infommercial and traded life advice with Maya Angelou backstage at the Maui Hyatt. I am the ‘under- celebrity’, the almost famous, the person who has enjoyed big fishness in a pond but when bigger fish arrived, stare wide- eyed at my fortune.

Aside from meeting celebrities, I’ve survived the sinking of a ship, once found a boa constrictor under my bed, won my husband in a Mexican dating contest, nursed him through cancer twice, fought off a heart attack in an underwater cavern, defied infertility, had my own (wheelchair- bound) stalker, faced a hammerhead shark on my honeymoon, was one of the first American independent adoptions out of Taiwan, did a flashmob dance at the Space Needle, performed CPR on a dead neighbor and hiked through the Nicaraguan jungle in search of Howler Monkeys. Some of the most incredible happenings I sought but many found me in this Forest Gumpish depiction of the life of a girl once too frightened to leave her small town. If this all seems amazingly suspicious I swear Liars Anonymous has never seen me.

           

Now I’m a soccer mom in suburban Seattle but the up side is that I’ve finally had time to write the book and am ready to kick off my tour on the Oprah Show before she goes off the air this year. We better hurry…